Hooray! A new post! (fangirlism is POWERFUL, I tell you!)
Aaaah, the standard save the pretty princess story. Wait, why's she so translucent?
So, as per the title, I’ve just completed Spirit Tracks after almost a whole year of drama that included infatuation with little elf boys in green, maddening train chases, the demise (and resurrection) of my DS microphone and lots of rolling in bed while giggling at a handheld console. Obviously, this entry is going to be a string of grammatical-correct-yet-semantically-confusing sentences, so you have been warned :D
So, let’s start, shall we? As per all Zelda games, you start off as Link, a midget of an elf boy (that I love throwing off cliffs to hear him scream!) who through trope-worthy circumstances ends up having to save Princess Zelda’s sorry ass. Thing is, in this installment, you don’t actually start off wearing that garish Santa-esque green outfit, since you’re a train engineer (at this rate of technological advancement in the Zelda games, I won’t be surprised if the next title is LoZ: Air Force One). Still, since the fashionably-inept Link obviously dons that trademark outfit in the promo art, sooner or later he gets his tiny hands on the god-forsaken tunic (noooooo) and turns into.. DUN DUN DUN the caretaker of Zelda’s soul. And so the pair runs off to retrieve said princess’ body from the evil Demon King, with Link stabbing any mice on sight and Zelda possessing giant suits of armour that can walk in lava, wreck boulders, teleport, block laser attacks and so forth.
By unintentionally forsaking her body, our damsel-in-distress here has transcended all previous heroines and turned about 100% more awesome than the hero himself (other than her fear for mice.. which leads to amusing sights of a huge phantom cowering in a corner). Sayonara Link, for once, The Legend of Zelda IS The Legend of ZELDA. Writing this made me realise that I completely blew it by playing this as my first Zelda game, as there never was and never will be another game like this where Zelda actually mattered, besides being kidnapped/amnesiac/plain useless. How the hell am I going to enjoy other games after this, when the Link/Zelda chemistry has been burnt into my mind?
Yes, we are equally surprised, Link. And delighted.
All that ranting aside, the game was pretty awesome, if not ASDFGHJKL AWESOME! The mechanics were simple and those weapons Link picked up along the way were bloody fun to use (I’M IN UR BACKYARD, SWINGING IN UR TREES WITH MA WHIP!). Surprisingly, even the train was a hoot (pun not intended) to drive, especially once you acquired a cannon TO SHOOT THOSE DAMNED SNOWMEN THAT HURL THEIR HEADS AT YOU. The awesomest part of the train was that last battle where you BLOODY HURLED YOURSELF AT THOSE GODDARN DEMON TRAINS THAT ALWAYS DECIMATED YOU, this time OBLITERATING THEM WITH YOUR AWESOMENESS, MANLINESS AND SHEER SPEED POWAH!! Anyone would’ve assumed me bonkers while I screamed “BANZAAAAAAIII” every time I floored the gas and pancake-d those pesky buggers.
The spirits don't give a damn if sitting idly waiting for rescue is a family tradition, get your ass movin', princess! XD
A notable mention in the game would be the music and sound. I could sit all day and listen to Link and his little shrieks while stabbing thin air (as already mentioned, one of my favourite pastimes was hurling him into random abysses to hear him scream). Zelda herself deserves praise, delighting me whenever I watch a giant pink suit of armour freeze and yelp when a mouse appeared. The music, whimsical and mystical at times, complemented everything very well, especially the Spirit Flute theme. Also, the duet pieces Link plays with the guardians of each temple are little gems worth pointing out.
Makes you wanna ride a train, no? XD
It’s already 5am and at this length, the article’s tl;dr anyway, so I might as well stop the incomprehensible spewing of English words here. I guess I MIGHT pick up Phantom Hourglass to try next, but no playable Zelda = no happy Cheryl :(